The Eye of the Storm

It has been a very interesting time for the Maxfield family the last few weeks. Through all of this I often think about what it means to live by faith. We use the words "step of faith" a lot. We usually use it to say that we live our normal life and then periodically we take a "step of faith" and do something when we don't know what the result is going to be. As if it is only in those "step of faith" moments when we can't see the future.

We too often don't realize that every step we take is a step of faith. Every breath is dependent on God sustaining us. How do we get outside the box that we have created for our lives? As long as everything fits inside our box then we think we are in control and we are content. The only problem with that is then we don't need God.

We put our house on the market on Thursday. It looks great and Lord willing, it will sell quickly. One slight problem though, we haven't found anything to move to yet. This is one of those moments where I'm sure people think we are a bit crazy. Moving full steam ahead to sell our house and get on the Reservation in January -- without any place to go if our house sells.

One of the other interesting things going on now is the many conversations with clients and referral sources telling them what we are doing.  This week I was talking to an investment advisor and had a very nice conversation. He referred to what we are doing as giving our life a sense of urgency. I hadn't thought of it that way before. But I really liked that word and the perspective it gives.

Sometimes it seems like one day just follows another. I go to work, come home, then go back to work the next day. While I know there are things that I accomplish, there is also a certain sense that it is just one more day at the office. (I've been listening to old UFO songs as I've been typing and one of the lines was "it's got so predictable, feel I've been doing time." Another song had the chorus "chains, chains, pulling us down." There really is a sense that we've created a life for ourselves that can feel like a prison.)

But when the focus is not on the job, or making money, or helping millionaires save more money on taxes, there is a sense of urgency to helping people.  There is a sense of urgency to trying to help create jobs so that someone unemployed can provide for themselves and their family. There is a sense of urgency to sharing the Gospel with someone that has never heard of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

December 2nd is my last day of going into the office every day at VWC.  All sorts of mixed feelings about it. There are a lot of good people that work there (several that I hired). I've worked with many of them for a significant period of time over the 16 years that I've been there. Many clients that I would call my friends I won't be talking to or seeing much going forward.

Looking forward to living life among the Yakama people. Sharing in the good and the bad, the easy and the hard. Living in a community in which we will be able to minister to others, while they minister to us. Being dependent on the prayers of God's people as they pray for us, Sacred Road and the Yakama people. But most importantly being dependent on the Lord as He works in us and through us.

A Day on the Rez

We made another trip over to the Rez today.  Even though it makes for a long day -- get up early, drive over, go to church, stay for lunch and play with the kids, look at a couple of houses, then drive back -- we always love the trip.  Seeing the staff, catching up a bit and then spending some with the kids helps to reconfirm why we are doing this.

Two highlights of the day.

The first was seeing Octavia (named changed of this precious little girl).  I often refer to Octavia as appearing shell shocked.  Whether she has fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), is a crack baby, has other mental and emotional issues, or has any combination of those is not really in doubt. She is a handful to say the least. In the past, it has taken one person specifically assigned to Octavia to keep her focused and without creating chaos around her.

But as the kids were lining up to go into church this morning, I look over and all by herself Octavia is picking up pens and crayons and putting them in their containers. Then she was stacking up the containers to get things organized. I was amazed. In the last few months she has started to settle down, learn to control herself and is now even making a positive contribution. She's able to sit through church too and seems to be able to listen to the service and participate. Very cool to see how the time spent with her is having an impact on her life.

Me and Daylene on the teeter-totter

The other highlight was the little cutie, Daylene. I was able to spend some time with her a few weeks ago -- putting together a puzzle and then pushing her on the swing for what seemed like 30 minutes. Today she came in and sat down by me. I didn't recognize her until later, but when she first sat down she was her normal, quiet, shy self. She wouldn't talk to me until I commented about her temporary tattoos on her arms and then she wanted to show them to me. After church it was a bit of a struggle to get her to eat lunch; she really wanted to go play on the playground.

Once we got on the playground she wanted to swing on the tire swing, super fast, in her words. She wanted to slide down the slide, play on the teeter totter (see the picture), and pet the dog (Cooper). She asked me if I knew her brother and talked about what a nice dog Cooper was and told me about her dog. I found out later that she is known for not talking to anyone. Even her older sister talks about her not talking to people.

These kids struggle.  Their home life is a mess. It shows itself in many ways.  Like Octavia, they might be out of control, unable to focus and acting out.  Or they may be like Daylene, who doesn't talk to anyone and is a bit difficult to manage.

To be able to spend time with them, give them fun experiences where they can get away from the issues in their life and be around people that love and care for them is very special.  It can be easy to focus on that and say, "Look at all the good we are doing!"  There is good being done and the love of Christ is being extended to "the least of these."

But it can't stop there. Showing mercy without sharing the Good News of the resurrection of Christ does nothing eternally. It's like giving a band-aid to someone with cancer. Those of us in Christ are called to help alleviate suffering in this world.

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?  Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?" Isaiah 58:6, 7

Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. True suffering, suffering beyond just physical, mental and emotional suffering, can only be alleviated in Christ.  Suffering of the soul is alleviated by the true Shepherd.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You set a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Psalm 23

Lessons from Matthew

This past school year I attended BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and studied the book of Matthew.  Without a doubt the Lord used the book of Matthew to point me and our family to Sacred Road.  It was truly amazing how the Lord orchestrated each lesson and lecture for what He wanted me to hear each week. 

The first week of BSF we were told to write in our notebook,  “What might the Lord be equipping you for this year?”  I had no idea how prophetic those words would become.

A week after writing this question in my notebook, the pastor and founder of Sacred Road ministry asked Darren if he might consider coming onto the staff of Sacred Road full-time – serving as a director of operations.   And so began our journey and the beautiful lessons the Lord taught me from the book of Matthew. 

• In Matthew 1, I saw that God handpicked all of the people in the genealogy of Christ, just as He has handpicked me (and you!) for His work.
• The Magi in chapter 2 gave expensive gifts.  Was I willing to give up my time or material things for Jesus?
• In Matthew 4, I saw Satan tempting Jesus just as Satan tempts me to doubt God's provision that He will supply all my needs.
• In Matthew 6, I read about not storing up treasures here on earth and verse 32 of that chapter reminded me that this is what the pagans run after.  My idols came into focus.  Idols that the culture told me I needed:  financial security, a nice home, college savings, deserving vacations. 
• In Matthew 9, I saw Matthew, the tax collector, get up, leave everything and follow Jesus.
• In Matthew 14, I saw Jesus withdraw away from the crowds, but they followed Him and needed Him.  He had compassion on them.  He let go of His own plans to care for them. 
• In Matthew 25, I learned about investing my talents for the Lord.
• In Matthew 26, I saw Mary pour out an expensive perfume on Jesus.  The disciples questioned if this was okay that the money had been spent this way.  That night someone in my BSF group reminded us that we don't always see things as Jesus does.  I was reminded that "extravagance is not too much when it has to do with giving it to Jesus". 
• Another week our teaching leader reminded us that "Christianity is not a spectator sport."  She also said, "Is there something God is asking you to do?  If you are not obeying, you may be missing out on the greatest adventure of your life."

These things hit me week after week.  I was hearing the Lord loud and clear.  I also treasured the hymns we sang every Monday at the start of BSF. 

One night we sang, "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" and as I sang the words, "all the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to His blood", I cried and knew He was giving me strength to begin to release the financial security and material possessions from my life.

Another hymn that almost knocked me over one night:  "Hark, the Voice of Jesus Calling" -- a powerful hymn about Jesus calling, "who will go and work today?  Fields are white and harvests waiting; who will bear the sheaves away?...who will answer, gladly saying, Here am I; send me, send me."  I could not believe the Lord was choosing these hymns for me to sing at BSF as we continued to seek His will about Sacred Road.

The hymn, "Be Still My Soul" often comforted me as I sang the words, "..in every change He faithful will remain."  He would be with me as He changed the course of our lives toward Sacred Road.

I am in awe of the Lord and how He uses His Word.  What a treasure.  It is living and active to change our lives. 

 

Stirring up our hearts

What were some of the ways you knew God was calling you to Sacred Road?  We get this question a lot.  So this is another post on ways we feel God pointed us to Sacred Road.  We were always amazed as we put one foot in front of the other, He kept taking our hands, leading us along and stirring our hearts. 

One example was this:  Rachel and I attended a Bible Quiz meet in September.  There was a devotional given by one of the quizzer's fathers.  He began his talk and shared something along these lines, "As most of you know, I left my software engineering job last year to become a high school math teacher.  I felt God was calling me to work with youth.  I left a great salary for a smaller paying job.  But it was worth it and I know I am right where God wants me to be."  Rachel and I both looked at each other with wide eyes.  This was another stir I was beginning to feel in my heart -- God might be calling Darren to leave a good salary for a special job on an Indian Reservation.

Another example:  Darren went to our pastor, Sy Nease, and told him one day that he was thinking about doing something crazy.  He was thinking of leaving his career as a CPA to move to Eastern Washington and join the staff of Sacred Road.  Do you know what Sy said back to him?  "I've been praying for a missionary to be raised up from our congregation at Exile Presbyterian Church." This was just another way God continued to encourage us.

Another example:  Last summer I read the book, "Kisses From Katie" -- a wonderful book about a young lady who goes to Africa to serve orphans.  She eventually adopts several orphaned children and runs an amazing, growing ministry there.  I had Emily and Rachel each read the book as well.  The girls commented to me that while they had enjoyed the book, they both knew the chances of something like this happening in their own life were slim.  But, little did we know, the Lord was preparing our hearts.  And as we began to feel the Lord's call to Sacred Road, the three of us agreed how providential it had been that we had read this book. 

One Sunday our pastor preached a sermon. At one point he commented that it is a blessing when men can have careers that involve the whole family.  He mentioned the downside to careers that consume a person and separate family relations.  I got the message, but I'm not sure I liked the part about the consuming career.  Especially because Darren's job as a CPA is not one that can involve our family.  He works a lot of overtime.  His job is time consuming.  There are months where we don't see him very much.  I justified the sermon in my head with the fact that some people may not understand this type of career.  I still had a funny feeling though in my heart.

Then one day this sermon popped back into my head when we were talking about Sacred Road. Darren mentioned he liked the idea of all of us having this opportunity to serve the Lord alongside each other in this ministry.  I realized that sermon was a part of the stirring up of my heart -- to open my eyes to see the blessing of Darren in a different kind of job.

We prayed for the Lord to make it clear about going to Sacred Road and these are the sort of things that began to happen.  He began to fill our minds and hearts with His plan for us.  "Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer."  Psalm 94:19

 

God's Chosen Fast

One of my favorite passages of Scripture right now is Isaiah 58 which is one of the focus chapters for Sacred Road's mission. I love the reminder that it gives to us that God's chosen fast for us is to help the oppressed and needy and to loose the bonds of wickedness. On those days when I'm feeling discouraged, this gives me the encouragement I need to bring my sight back on fulfilling the task that God has set before me.

⁶ “Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
    to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed^[b] go free,
    and to break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
    and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
    and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
    the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
    you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’

The Storm Up Ahead

People have asked us how we knew the Lord was calling us to go to Sacred Road -- most likely because it has been a short time period in which we've made this decision. 

I will try to blog on this over the next few weeks.  When we began praying for the Lord to show us whether we should really move, we asked God to hit us over the head with something HUGE.  This way we would know "for sure" if we should go. 

He didn't hit us over the head.  I love how God knows best and instead He began giving us something almost every day for 3 months.  I tried to write them down as they came.  It was incredible how much Scripture He put right in front of us.  Here is one example. 

This past fall I heard a sermon on Mark 4:35-5:20 right during the time as we were praying about moving to Sacred Road.  The sermon title was "Speaking Calm Into Chaos".  The sermon began with this line:  You are either in the middle of a storm or in between storms. 

I hung onto every word during that sermon.  My life had been sailing along on a beautiful wave.  The idea of moving to Sacred Road seemed like we were heading into a crazy, chaotic storm.  Who purposely turns their "boat" directly into a storm?  

My life has not endured many storms.  The biggest storms have probably been miscarriages, health issues for our parents and Emily's diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes when she was 4 years old.  Other than that, my life has had fairly calm waters.

But heading to Sacred Road feels like we are headed into a storm.  My safe, comfortable, secure, somewhat predictable life is about to be rocked. 

Here is some of what I heard that day in the sermon:  God speaks calm into the chaotic darkness.  Jesus shines His light into our chaotic, fallen world.  He can bring peace into the chaotic circumstances of our lives.  Jesus is leading me and yes, I may be headed into a storm, but Jesus is in the boat with me.  Faith believes that Jesus is in control of the storm.  There is power in Jesus' Word.  He has power over spiritual forces of evil. 

Bam.  That sermon hit me and I think we also sang the song, "Speak, O Lord" that same Sunday morning, which has this line:  Help us grasp the heights of your plans for us.  It was another confirmation in my heart that He had a job for me -- bigger and different than the path I was on.

This is just one example of how we felt God speaking to us -- and at just the right time.  I still have my fears about the storm up ahead, but Jesus is right there with me in the boat, bringing calm into the chaos.  Amen!

I am like Bilbo. I am called into the unknown.

I feel like every person, every story writer, and every song writer knows that there's a girl out there who is moving to the Rez as a missionary. It's amazing how God speaks through people to specific people. It seems like every time I hear someone speak or hear a song there's something that ties to the constant thoughts in my mind about the little kiddos on the Rez. God is very clever and He is very good.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. Little shout-out to one of my favorites, J.R.R. Tolkien. I love fairytales that have deeper meanings, that I can read over and over again. Where the pages are filled with stories of dragons and friendship. The Hobbit hits very close to my heart right now.

I am like Bilbo: I am a character in My Father's story like he is in Tolkien's.

The story is unfolding slowly, new to me as it is to the readers, the observers. I start out as a girl living in Bothell with three childhood dreams:
1. Be cured of Type 1 Diabetes.
2. Marry godly man and raise a family with lots of sweet children.
3. Live in Virginia, where the summers are hot and the leaves turn pretty.

I am comfortable with my life and it's going fine, just like it is for my old friend Bilbo. He is content with the Shire and has no plans of leaving. Until Gandalf calls him away from his home and into the unknown.

Like Bilbo, I have been called to a world completely unfamiliar. I have been called to the Rez. But as Gandalf is there to accompany Bilbo and guide him, My Father, in a much more glorious and amazing sense, has promised to never leave me nor forsake me in the journey. Bilbo has thirteen dwarves accompanying him on his journeys. I have an army of friends on this side of the mountains on their knees in my behalf. And my excitement is growing more and more with each day that passes.

I have decided what to do with the time given to me, Tolkien. I have followed my God and followed Him into a world of beautiful, snowy white unknown.

The Journey to the Rez

Dear Friends and Family, 

If you’ve been around the Maxfield family at all the last few months you will know that the people of the Yakama Indian Reservation and the staff at Sacred Road Ministries (SRM) have become very important to us.  The Yakama people are in great need of love, compassion and care.  The staff at SRM are about giving them love, compassion and care through mercy ministries and sharing the Gospel of Christ.

Some of you have felt the call of God to do something unexpected, outside your comfort zone, beyond anything you’ve ever done before.  If that is you then you might have a taste of what we have experienced the last few months.

Well, as my pastor has said, it is hard to ignore the call of God. 

The Maxfield family is working toward joining the staff of SRM full time.  We have begun the process of raising partners to support us in prayer and through finances.  Darren will take on a Director of Operations role and look to help expand the ministry in new areas of economic development and a Christian School.  The entire family will be involved in this ministry in different ways.

This year will be a year of transition.  Raising funds, transitioning from my firm, selling our home, etc.  Our goal is to be on the Reservation January 2015.  We ask for your prayers.  

If you would like to partner with us financially in the ministry we would like to talk with you and let you know how you can do that.  We need donors to start giving on our behalf now so that we can raise the funds needed before we join Sacred Road.  The funds we will raise will go to pay our salary – i.e. our food, housing, health insurance, etc. – and other ministry related expenses.

If you want to learn more about this journey of ours you can go to our blog at www.maxfieldsintheshadow.blogspot.com.  If you want to learn more about SRM you can go to www.sacredroadministries.com or please call or email me.

Blessings,

Darren, Susie, Emily and Rachel Maxfield

dhmaxfield@gmail.com

425-652-1910

You want me to do what?

Prior to my week at White Swan this last summer I would have said that I would be the last person to be called to the mission field.  I have always felt that I was called to be a Christian in my local church and a CPA in a public accounting firm.  The Lord has used me in various ways in my local church.  I am a pretty good CPA as well.

Susie experienced a sense of calling to the mission field in high school.  Unfortunately, she married a person that did not have that calling (at that time in our life).  We’ve served the Lord here in the Seattle area.

But the Lord used that week to show me a small picture of the suffering in the world and the need for Christ in that suffering.  I am not able to read Scripture the same way I did before.  I am not able to rationalize and breeze by the many passages regarding the cost of following Him, helping the poor and needy, aiding those afflicted.

The Lord has also been showing us that our faith in Christ has been one of our own making.  We serve him as it is comfortable for us to do.  We give of our time and money as it is comfortable for us to do.  We structure our life in a way that does not require faith that He will provide.  The Lord is showing us that way of living is no longer sufficient.  Not all are called to this, but we feel the Lord is calling us, now.

I wake up in the morning thinking about the Yakama Indians and the Sacred Road staff.  I go to sleep thinking about them as well.  The Lord has not allowed me to go back to my old way of thinking about the world and my role in it.  As we have continued to pray for the Lord’s guidance He has only opened door after door. 

I pray that the Lord will never allow me to do as the rich young ruler did – “He went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.”  Matthew 19:22

Here am I. Send me.

Its my turn now to share what the Lord has done in my own life this past year. Here is a brief summary of the past 5 years of my life (has it really been that long?).

I can trace it back to 6th grade. I went to school, Covenant Christian Middle School, with three of the Granberry children; I heard weekly about the ups and downs of the Rez. The stories sometimes made me laugh and at other times they made me feel like crying. But from the very beginning, I was excited about the Lord's work on the Rez and was hearing, over the course of three years, about the spiritual growth that was taking place in such a broken place. Looking back, I know that the Lord ordained all of what took place: He allowed a spot at CCMS to open up for me in 6th grade and knew that the Granberry kids would be my classmates. He used this time to stir in me a desire to visit the Rez for myself, to see firsthand the effects that Sacred Road Ministries was having over there.

I know for a fact that from 7th to 9th grade I asked often for Exile Pres. to take a team and serve for a week on the Rez. However, I wasn't aware of the fact that the trip sign ups fill up extremely quickly, and each year we didn't get started on the process fast enough.

Again, I see the Lord's hand in all of this. His timing is impeccable. At the beginning of 9th grade, my dad and I were graciously invited to join with my uncle's church, Resurrection Presbyterian in Puyallup to go for a week in July to serve the Yakama natives! I was so excited! And I still am. I am so excited that we went last summer. I haven't taken down any of the pictures from the trip that I put up in my room, and I'm not planning to.

I came back from the trip to my sophomore year of high school. Life is busy, I can guarantee you that. I'm not living the same life that I was before the trip. Three-year-olds have shaped me into who I am today. Three-year-olds helped me see that our world is truly fallen, but "How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?" (Romans 10:14-15). These Yakama people and these kids are impoverished, abused, hurting, and broken. The kids on the Rez helped me see that I have a role in this too. I have a part to play: "How are they to preach unless they are sent?" (Romans 10:15). These people can't help themselves without the help of Christ. I can name at least ten kids right now that have unbelievable home situations. Who is going to help them? Who is going to show them that there is hope? That someone actually loves them? Is God really telling me that I'm the one who can be His advocate? I'm the one that will comfort weeping children at church and hold their hand? I'm fifteen; I'm a high school student with no experience in this area of life whatsoever. I'm not going to lie: I've tried to deny all of this, I've tried to push this whole idea under the rug and make myself believe that this job is for someone else; someone more prepared, or more experienced, or even just someone older. I've tried to tell myself that it's okay for me to go on living my life in suburbia at a Christian school with everything I want. But "then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me'" (Isaiah 6:8).

This whole adventure that the Lord has us on is amazing. I never would have thought that we would be doing this, that I would be a "missionary's kid." I wouldn't have ever believed you if you would have told me that I would leave Cedar Park after just two years. I never would have thought that I would be telling people that I am moving to "an Indian Reservation" or that I would even be writing this blog post. It's pretty crazy, and I don't blame anyone for thinking so, because I think it to myself all the time. But now that we're doing it, now that we're taking the first steps as missionaries, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love is Sacrifice

Well, I suppose it's my turn. These past few months have been CRAZY. At the end of summer, right before my dad and sister went on their mission trip, I thought I knew everything that God had in store for me for the next stage of my life. I'd finish up homeschooling this 8th grade year, I'd go to Cedar Park Christian for high school, and I'd probably go to a great college. I'd have lots of friends and I'd probably have a pretty great life. No worries, no money problems; you could say, a perfect life. Now that I'm looking back, it would be a perfect life. Ha.

Then my dad and sister came back. When I started hearing their stories and how emotional they were, I knew that nothing would ever be the same for us. At this point I was pretty excited, because I didn't know exactly what that meant. I assumed it would mean us visiting the Rez often and giving money. Whatever. Not a big deal. It wouldn't really affect me and I was happy we could be doing something.

So much has happened since then. Over these past few months, even though I go through the occasional 'freak out' stages, the Lord has been shaping me and changing my heart. It's quite amazing to look back at how I felt when I first realized what moving would mean to how I feel now. At first, I was in shock and I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my friends. My house. My life.

Now, I wouldn't change what we're doing for anything. I've only been on the Rez a few times and I already feel longing to be there. The kids are precious, and they need us. I love them. I know it's going to be hard, and I still have moments of 'what-I-can't-move-what-are-we-doing' but when I stand back and look at the big picture, I know that we have to. I want to.

For King & Country's song, "The Proof of Your Love" has been really inspirational for me during this period of hearing the call/answering the call/worrying/being excited or I might just say, mixed emotions. :)

Let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love
Let my love look like You, and what You're made of
How You lived, how You died
Love is sacrifice
So let my life be the proof,
The proof of Your love

My biggest worries and prayer requests right now are security, anxiety and the worry of loneliness (from leaving my friends).

The Lord has comforted me through the words of Isaiah 41:13 where he says "For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you."

Until my next post, thanks for reading!
  

The Journey to Sacred Road

We can blame all of this on Emily.  She had been asking to go on a mission trip for a couple years to White Swan, WA to work with Sacred Road Ministries (SRM) and the Native Americans on the Yakama Reservation. (By the way, the city is spelled Yakima, WA, while the Native American tribe is spelled Yakama.)  So finally we signed up and went with Resurrection Pres. last July.

But getting there wasn't easy.  We had already scheduled a trip to Lake Tahoe two weeks before the mission trip.  So like every vacation, I worked major overtime and was very stressed to get out of town to go to Lake Tahoe.  Then I was back for a week really working like crazy to get organized after being gone for a week and getting ready to be gone another week.  All the time, not really happy about going on the mission trip.  I was basically just going because Emily wanted to go.  For my whole life, I've known I wasn't a missionary and was good with that.  This trip wasn't really worth the hassle that I was having to go through to get there.

We've known about the Granberrys and SRM for many years.  At Covenant I helped get the old module for Sacred Road to use.  At Exile we've financially supported the Granberrys and others for years.  We knew about the work they were doing, the conditions on the Reservation and how the Lord specifically called Chris and Mary to work in White Swan.  But hearing about these things and actually seeing and experiencing it is a different thing.

The group drove over Saturday and once I got there I realized I wasn't going to have cell coverage.  I figured I might as well enjoy myself since my contact with the outside world had ended.  After the orientation on Sunday morning I was eating my words.  I knew the week was going to be good for both of us.

By Thursday evening I knew that I wasn't going back home the same person.

That evening, Chris hosted a question and answer time.  He shared his testimony, including parts that he doesn't always share - how the Lord really haunted him to get him to the Reservation.  In addition, Chris shared specific stories about many of the kids on the Reservation.  Others shared how their week was going and how they felt about things.

By the end of the evening I was hardly able to control my emotions.  The time spent with the kids each day when I knew that many were hungry, going home to abuse or worried about where they were going to sleep was very difficult to accept.  These kids have little hope of their situation changing.  The fact that I was going to go home at the end of the week and back to my warm house, with all I could eat and more money than I need was impossible to accept.  I was just going to leave them in their situation and get back to my vain, seemingly meaningless, life.

I was worried that my life was going to change forever.  Three months later, I know that it has changed forever.

I can't get the Yakama Reservation out of my head.  Whether it is thinking about Jay, Michael, Lucas, the other kids or thinking about the work of the SRM staff.  For the last few
months all I can do, is think about sending money to SRM, figure out how I can get others to send money to SRM, try to get on the board of SRM, read a bunch of books about Native Americans, try to come up with a job description for what I could do with SRM and work on various stages of the application to join the staff at SRM.  Needless to say, I do a fair amount of talking about SRM also.

All this, while trying to talk myself out of quitting my job, selling our house, and moving to the Reservation.

Can you imagine?  I still think we are crazy sometimes.

And then think about Susie.  She doesn't go on the trip but gets to hear me talk about SRM non-stop.  And then I start talking about quitting my job.  Am I seriously asking her to leave our life here to go to the Yakama Reservation?

But then I read verses like:

 "for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God."  John 12:43

"Is not this the fast that I choose:  to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?  Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?  If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday."  Isaiah 58:6-7, 9b-10

"Jesus said to him, 'If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions."  Matthew 19:21-22

I was able to rationalize all these types of verses before.  I can't do that anymore.  Susie is also seeing the meaninglessness of our life here in yuppieville.

These verses don't apply the same way to everyone.  Most are called to encourage and support the mission field.  Some are called to go.  I am the last person I would ever have expected to be called to the mission field.  Probably why I have been.  Only God could have this sense of humor.

Is this the bomb? (by Susie)

My life has been so good.  Picture perfect you might say.  So much so, that one day I asked Darren, "When will the bomb drop?  When will someone get cancer?  When will one of our parents die?  When will there be a tragedy or something that knocks us over?"

This past September the bomb dropped.  It was nothing I had expected or "prepared for".  I thought I could handle almost anything, but this has thrown me. 

For 42 years of my life God has given me everything I'd ever dreamed of and now He is asking me to give it all back.  He is asking me to trust Him and walk a new path, one that is out of my comfort zone.

My life is going to look different than what the world is telling me it should look like. Crazy changes are ahead.  Exchanges that go against what the world tells me to hold onto.  A beautiful home for a home unknown.  A cocoon of comfort and ease for a life that is going to stretch me in ways that might hurt.  I'm choosing to say good-bye to financial security.  Who does that?  I'm watching my husband leave a successful career that he has worked his whole life to achieve.  The children's college savings is incomplete.  Our parents are aging and now I'm moving further away from them?   Most of this doesn't make sense.

What does make sense is Scripture.  I'm hearing God's voice loud and clear.  Matthew 10:39, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." 

I think I'm ready, Lord.  Please give me courage and obedience to walk this new path.