And The Lord Will Guide You

What a year this has been! I apologize for my delay in an update; it has been a very busy past few months as I transitioned into East Valley High School for my sophomore year and continue to settle into life on the east side of Washington state. 

These past few months, I have struggled with feelings of guilt. I left many friends and the life I knew in Seattle and moved to an unknown place for a known God. I knew that I’d be giving up a lot and that it’d be one of the hardest things I’ve done. I was blessed throughout the summer with forming relationships with the children here. I started leading a group of K-2nd grade girls on Sunday mornings and was blessed beyond belief by their friendships and getting to share God’s love with them. I felt like things were working out great. I missed my friends, but I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be and loved the kids here.

Then school started. Transferring into a new school as a sophomore is hard, but I began making new friends. I was blessed with great teachers. I looked forward and continue to look forward to school every day, and Sunday mornings every weekend. However, I started feeling a lot of guilt. Leaving Seattle was really difficult. The summer was difficult. Once school started, things seemed easier; almost normal again.  I started feeling like I hadn’t really given up anything. I had, but I felt like I had gotten it back and it wasn’t hard anymore.

Suddenly, my guilt turned to thankfulness. I believe that our God is so great that he fulfilled his promise in Isaiah 58:10-11 by blessing me for fulfilling His work. “If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places.”

One of the truths that I often forget is that life is about serving God and only Him. He will bless the work that is fulfilled for his glory. 

Pray that I will make an impact in the lives of the K-2nd grade girls every Sunday morning, and that the Lord would provide wisdom in how to teach them about His love. 

bittersweet weeks

These past few weeks have felt really bittersweet, and I write that honestly. This "both feet in both worlds" is hitting me hard. Lot 42 in the Porter's Landing Development is sold. I've been thinking and journaling and reading quite a bit lately, and Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream by David Platt is hitting me over the head hard. Kind teachers and sweet friends have told me each day this week that they want me to stay in Bothell. It really does mean a lot - I'm thankful for the relationships that I've made, but they are exactly what makes this whole transition so difficult! Last night, with little Rida's sparkly summer butterfly from Kids Club hanging in my room, I wrote what ended up to be quite a long "statement" detailing why I want to be a part of Cedar Park's Independent Study Program. It was hard, I'll admit.

When you ask me if I'm excited, I'll tell you that I'm so excited, that I absolutely cannot wait to get to the Rez. The wobbly, singing preschoolers during church, the car mat at Totus Park, the see-saw and swings. The faces at Christmas, the tiny kiddos in the donated puffy jackets that are a size too big. I can't help but smile as I write this (I get to experience Christmas with them again this year!) The warm church in the middle of a cold, dry desert. Most of my heart was left in White Swan a year and a half ago. I'm beyond excited to be there all the time.

But on the other hand, this semester is moving much faster than I thought it would, and this transition much harder than I thought it would be. I'm so thankful for all of the prayers and encouragement over the past year and a half - it has been such a blessing. Don't stop praying for us now - please don't stop.

Floating

I've been thinking a lot about what is happening to us right now. In all areas of our life we seem to be cutting ties. I don't mean this to be a pity party. In fact, the opposite. We are in the place God wants us to be and excited to see what He does over the coming months.

At work, I've spent the last couple months calling clients, meeting with clients, and calling referral sources to tell them what we are doing and that I'm leaving VWC. Relationships I've had for years and years are ending (or significantly changing). I've spent a significant part of my life working alongside my co-workers that I won't be working with anymore. During some parts of the year I've spent more time with them than I have with my own family.

At church we feel like we are saying goodbye to everyone each week. Our brothers and sisters in Christ that we have been worshiping, praying and fellowshipping with have truly become our family.

Emily and Rachel are saying goodbye to their friends from school, co-op and church.

Susie has many friends that she scrapbooks with, met at co-ops and other homeschooling events, or as Susie is known to do, just become friends with.

Our family all lives here in the Puget Sound area. We frequently get together with them for holidays, birthday parties and just because. We've always lived close to both sides of the family. And while we will only be living 3 hours away, it's not 15 minutes.

While we've cut ties on this side of the mountains, we haven't fully established ties on the east side. We don't even know where we will be living yet.

In a sense, we are cutting ties from the world.

Floating.

Not floating in the sense of the old Modest Mouse song. Not in the sense that we don't care about life and regardless of what happens we will just keep floating on.

But floating on the power of the Holy Spirit and the prayers of God's people.

The Eye of the Storm

It has been a very interesting time for the Maxfield family the last few weeks. Through all of this I often think about what it means to live by faith. We use the words "step of faith" a lot. We usually use it to say that we live our normal life and then periodically we take a "step of faith" and do something when we don't know what the result is going to be. As if it is only in those "step of faith" moments when we can't see the future.

We too often don't realize that every step we take is a step of faith. Every breath is dependent on God sustaining us. How do we get outside the box that we have created for our lives? As long as everything fits inside our box then we think we are in control and we are content. The only problem with that is then we don't need God.

We put our house on the market on Thursday. It looks great and Lord willing, it will sell quickly. One slight problem though, we haven't found anything to move to yet. This is one of those moments where I'm sure people think we are a bit crazy. Moving full steam ahead to sell our house and get on the Reservation in January -- without any place to go if our house sells.

One of the other interesting things going on now is the many conversations with clients and referral sources telling them what we are doing.  This week I was talking to an investment advisor and had a very nice conversation. He referred to what we are doing as giving our life a sense of urgency. I hadn't thought of it that way before. But I really liked that word and the perspective it gives.

Sometimes it seems like one day just follows another. I go to work, come home, then go back to work the next day. While I know there are things that I accomplish, there is also a certain sense that it is just one more day at the office. (I've been listening to old UFO songs as I've been typing and one of the lines was "it's got so predictable, feel I've been doing time." Another song had the chorus "chains, chains, pulling us down." There really is a sense that we've created a life for ourselves that can feel like a prison.)

But when the focus is not on the job, or making money, or helping millionaires save more money on taxes, there is a sense of urgency to helping people.  There is a sense of urgency to trying to help create jobs so that someone unemployed can provide for themselves and their family. There is a sense of urgency to sharing the Gospel with someone that has never heard of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

December 2nd is my last day of going into the office every day at VWC.  All sorts of mixed feelings about it. There are a lot of good people that work there (several that I hired). I've worked with many of them for a significant period of time over the 16 years that I've been there. Many clients that I would call my friends I won't be talking to or seeing much going forward.

Looking forward to living life among the Yakama people. Sharing in the good and the bad, the easy and the hard. Living in a community in which we will be able to minister to others, while they minister to us. Being dependent on the prayers of God's people as they pray for us, Sacred Road and the Yakama people. But most importantly being dependent on the Lord as He works in us and through us.

The Things of Earth are Dimming

I think some people might wonder if our family is always excited for this new adventure in life. My dad, mom, Emily and I go through a lot of worry and doubt. Here’s a bit of an example of my worry. Most of the time I try to be really positive and excited about moving, but I’ve had a hard time with it this month. I’ve just finished middle school and I’ve made some amazing friendships along the way. Sometimes I cannot even imagine leaving all of my friends and my life here. To be completely honest, my feelings constantly change about the Rez. I get really, really excited about it, but sometimes I have a really hard time with the whole idea of it. Sometimes I really feel the enemy’s arrows of doubt.

But while these arrows do not cease, I also feel the Lord strengthening me to stand secure with the shield of faith. When I have days of doubt, when I cry from worry, when I freak out from anxiety, the Lord always brings up some passage of his Word, or plants a song in my ears, or gives me some brilliant sign that comforts me.

Just tonight I was sharing with my family that recently I’ve been feeling really anxious. I was sitting in my room on the floor crying, and I just felt the urge to listen to music. I opened up my iTunes to the top charts of Christian and Gospel music, and the first song I saw was a new single from my favorite Christian artist, For King & Country. The song was called “Fix my Eyes.” I bought the song that instant, even though I hadn’t heard it yet. And just tonight, I found myself sobbing in my bedroom, brought to tears by the overwhelming encouragement and guidance from this song. These are the lyrics that really got my attention:

The things of Earth are dimming

In the light of Your glory and grace

I'll set my sights upon Heaven

I'm fixing my eyes on you

 

I’d love like I’m not scared

Give when it’s not fair

Live life for another

Take time for my brother

 Fight for the weak ones

Speak out for freedom

Find faith in the battle

Stand tall and above it all

I'd fix my eyes on you

I’ve been worrying about the things of this earth, fixing my eyes on all of the things below, and forgetting what God has planned for me. The things of earth are dimming. I have to fix my eyes on the things of God.

Being a part of the Body of Christ

It is weird the disconnect you start to feel when you haven't been to your home church in a while.  We are usually pretty regular when it comes to attending church.  Both Susie and I were raised with and taught the importance of attending church each week.

It has been a weird series of reasons (at least for us) that have prevented us from attending our home church, Exile Presbyterian Church.  The first week we were out of town for a few days.  The second week we were at Covenant Presbyterian Church giving a presentation about our journey to White Swan.  The third week we were actually in White Swan.  And now this week, I'm home sick.  Lord willing, I'll be there next week.

I'm always a bit surprised about how often people miss Sunday church services.  For seemingly inconsequential reasons.

It is hard for me not to think about the following verses:

Romans 10: 17  "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ."  The context makes it pretty clear this is by hearing the word preached.

Hebrews 12:22-24  "But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel." This is taken as a reference that when the people of God gather together for worship, through the Spirit, they are actually gathering together with the heavenly hosts, worshiping our God together.

We also have Hebrews 10:24-25   "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

When I look back on it now, we've actually gone to church 2 of those 4 weeks.  But there is something about sitting beside the body of believers of your church that you are a member, singing hymns, praying, hearing the Word preached, partaking communion together that when it is not done with those same believers it seems like we haven't really gone to church.  You'd almost think God made it that way or something.

I'm going to miss Exile Presbyterian.

The Curse of the Pilots

A couple things on my mind lately.  The first is the Lord's sense of humor and the second is how He is slowly preparing us for life in White Swan.

As many of you might know, I'm a big Mariner's fan.  The last several years I've often felt like Mariners' fans are going extinct and I'm one of the last ones that is holding out hope that we will make a comeback.  It has something to do with the curse that seems to hover over baseball in this town - the curse of the Pilots (an inside joke that I'll explain some other day.)  So in an effort to save some money as we look to join the staff at Sacred Road we decided to not purchase our 16 game pack of tickets this year.

So anyway, we've been going to games for years and I've seen them lose more times that I'd like to remember.  Giving up tickets this year wasn't really all that hard.  I thought they were going to be terrible. Once again.

Here's where the Lord's sense of humor comes in - it is very possible they might actually be good this year. And I don't have tickets.

Most likely this will be the last year I will have to endure what we in the industry refer to as "tax season." Those two words symbolize much: seventy hour work weeks, trying to meet non-stop client demands and requests - valid and otherwise, high stress, spending more time with colleagues at work than you spend with your family at home, and in a weird, sick way actually kind of liking the entire experience while hating it at the same time.  After 20 years of doing this it has just become part of life.

Here's the funny part.  This tax season has been the least stressful, best staffed, lowest amount of drama and fewest hours that I've ever worked.  Largely because of the efforts of the last 2-3 years.  And by all appearances things would continue this way into the future - if I was staying.

At the same time the Lord is telling me:

"You also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect." Luke 12:40

"Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more."  Luke 12:48

"Jesus said to her, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?'"  John 11:40

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong: and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."  Isaiah 58: 11

". . . but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  John 4:14

Now, just nine more days of this tax season.  I hope the M's win at least 4 of 7 during that time.

Hold Things Loosely

On Monday an email was sent to the employees at Darren's firm - announcing our decision to move to the Yakama reservation.  I knew this day was coming and I have cried about it before.  But the day really came and it was hard.

I've watched Darren pour himself into being a great CPA for the past 20 years.  Hours and hours of time he has spent diligently working and rising through the ranks.  And then he became a partner.  We had visions of him managing this CPA firm someday.  Wow. 

It is slowly slipping away.  I know it is right, but it is still hard.  Hard to see my husband say good-bye to a good job, a great company and a career that he has worked for his whole life.

I am once again reminded to hold things loosely.  To quote Corrie ten Boom, "I've learned that we must hold everything loosely, because when I grip it tightly, it hurts when the Father pries my fingers loose and takes it from me." 

Yes, this hurts a little.  But God is so good.  He is so patient with me too as I place one foot in front of the other and follow where He is leading us.