A day in the life . . .

As you might imagine, we've had quite the eventful last few weeks. So many different events, thoughts, discussions, laughs, cries (and you name it) that it's hard to remember everything and be able to communicate just what I think about it all.

But I'll start by just giving a run-down of some of the different things:

• The best purchase ever - portable air conditioner for the rental house.
• Which then became worthless when the power company turned off the electricity with the temperature up over 100 degrees (because the electric bill didn't get paid and no one gave any warning or notice and then we found out about it at the end of day Friday and they won't come turn it back on until the end of day Monday and if the lady on the phone at the power company hadn't been so nice telling me the power wouldn't be on for 3 days I might have lost it.)
• Helped put up my first teepee.
• Stranded on Hwy 97 when my distributor cap went bad (praise God that the AAA tow guy was only 10 minutes away - for once.)
• 2 great summer team weeks with teams from all over the country coming to serve on the Rez.
• Flat tires on two separate vehicles (we got one on the way to pick up my car at the shop.)
• Rachel has been helping out at Sacred Road, working alongside the interns, becoming friends with everyone.
• One duck blown to bits when it ran into the road right in front of me. Don't worry, it died instantly. You should have seen all the feathers.
• We made an offer on a house that was accepted and pending all the rest of the stuff needed when buying a house, we should be in it by mid-August.
• Spent 2 weeks cleaning up a very dirty, gross double wide rental.
• I turned 44 and was given this t-shirt by Fishii. It's awesome. I also got a cool Bolo tie featuring real Native American beading made by someone here on the Rez.
• One new set of tires on a vehicle.
• Emily began working as an intern for Sacred Road this summer and loves getting to know people better.
• Was terribly disappointed when I found out that the 3 llamas and 1 goat owned by the neighbor wouldn't eat the bizarre vegetation growing in our yard at the rental and I was going to have to mow it myself all summer.
• The big smile and wave from one of my buddies at Kid's Club.
• One bird blown to bits by another driver in our family and still in the grill of the car - because I'm the only one that can take it out apparently.
• Progress being made as we research economic development alternatives, opportunities and approaches.
• Learned the feeling of panic when I realize I forgot to take my daily Claritin pill and I'm nowhere near home where the army size box of additional pills are.
• Several great Kid's Club days spent playing with great kids.
• Wondering why there is a helicopter hovering over our house constantly at 3.00 am. Then realizing it is the apple orchard wind fan that turns on when the temperature gets too low.
• Our first Pow Wow and Treaty Days Rodeo.
• Some guy pounding on the door at 5 am asking for the previous tenant while I was across the country on a trip
• Many examples of the Lord providing comfort, encouragement and strength.

Why do I tell you all this? I think maybe its some form of therapy. But more importantly, we need your prayers.

We are all learning a lot. Things like, how the ministry works, what our individual roles will be, how I will divide up my time between operational items and economic development and ministry, how to live with 2/3 of all our belongings in storage, how we can rock the boat as least as possible as we join this team, and a ton of other things.

And we are loving it! We know this is where we are supposed to be and are encouraged daily.

But that doesn't mean it's all easy and that there aren't obstacles.

But, as Emily put so well in an post earlier this week, God is Sovereign.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-32, 37-39

He is Sovereign.

My heart has felt heavy this past week: overwhelmed, weighed down by the brokenness of this earth. I've journaled daily and finished each page disappointed at my own ability to put my thoughts into words. It seemed that each day this past week the Enemy worked hard to bring me down, to put lies into my head and bring me to doubt God's goodness and His will. I'm learning that like most things out here, you can't be prepared for what you'll encounter, no matter how hard you or others try. It's not a matter of anyone not doing a good enough job; it's a matter of God working in our lives.

I watched a little one distance herself from me at church over the past couple of Sundays: no longer does she want to sit with me or listen to me. This week alone I watched her detach herself from me almost completely and reattach herself to someone else in the span of five days. No longer did she seek me out or smile at me when I called her name. It felt like she left me in the dust without looking back.

The fact that I know this kind of behavior is common doesn't change the fact that it hurts. It hurts badly. I found myself in tears Thursday evening, asking myself questions. Why did she attach to someone else? What did I do wrong? What did she want from someone else that I couldn't give her? Why wasn't I enough?

But as I continued to journal and read and process and talk with other members of our summer staff, I realized that I was asking the wrong questions, that it's not about me being enough. It's not about me doing anything. It hurts, and it's not about me.

It's about the Lord working in the lives of all of us.

He is still teaching me to look to Him and to give Him the praise for these relationships and blessings, to rely on Him. He is still showing me that I am not the one doing anything, but that He is the One working all things for His glory.

He is teaching the girl whose name is music about His love for her that never fails and never changes. He is showing her that He is good no matter what.

He is teaching all of us that He ordains everything according to His will. He is teaching all of us that He is sovereign.

Thanks be to God that He is all I have
And if I have Him not, I have nothing at all
Nothing at all.
     Dom Julian of St. Benet's Hall

Floating

I've been thinking a lot about what is happening to us right now. In all areas of our life we seem to be cutting ties. I don't mean this to be a pity party. In fact, the opposite. We are in the place God wants us to be and excited to see what He does over the coming months.

At work, I've spent the last couple months calling clients, meeting with clients, and calling referral sources to tell them what we are doing and that I'm leaving VWC. Relationships I've had for years and years are ending (or significantly changing). I've spent a significant part of my life working alongside my co-workers that I won't be working with anymore. During some parts of the year I've spent more time with them than I have with my own family.

At church we feel like we are saying goodbye to everyone each week. Our brothers and sisters in Christ that we have been worshiping, praying and fellowshipping with have truly become our family.

Emily and Rachel are saying goodbye to their friends from school, co-op and church.

Susie has many friends that she scrapbooks with, met at co-ops and other homeschooling events, or as Susie is known to do, just become friends with.

Our family all lives here in the Puget Sound area. We frequently get together with them for holidays, birthday parties and just because. We've always lived close to both sides of the family. And while we will only be living 3 hours away, it's not 15 minutes.

While we've cut ties on this side of the mountains, we haven't fully established ties on the east side. We don't even know where we will be living yet.

In a sense, we are cutting ties from the world.

Floating.

Not floating in the sense of the old Modest Mouse song. Not in the sense that we don't care about life and regardless of what happens we will just keep floating on.

But floating on the power of the Holy Spirit and the prayers of God's people.

Shoes of the Gospel of Peace

Recently, I've been going through a book of Charles Spurgeon's sermons on spiritual warfare with a couple guys from church (Spiritual  Warfare in a Believer's Life, by Charles Spurgeon).  The timing has been appropriate, as all three of us are going through period's in our lives in which we are particularly susceptible to "the flaming darts of the evil one." (Ephesians 5:16)

In the second half of the group of sermons Spurgeon preaches on the armor of God in Ephesians 5.  The most recent chapter was on verse 15, "and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace."  There were several passage that were very helpful to me and I thought I would quote a few for the benefit of all 3 people that read this blog.  I think you'll understand why they spoke to me as you read.

"If we continue in the love of Jesus, pleasing Him in all things, jealously watching and carefully observing His will, our mind will be kept by the peace of God that passes all understanding, and our road to heaven will be a pleasant one.  While it may indeed be very rough in itself and in the judgment of others, it will be so smoothed to us by the peace that reigns within that we shall glory in weakness, exult in suffering, and triumph in distress, knowing that the Lord is with us and no harm can come to us." (pgs. 142-143)

"It is also a grand sandal for a pilgrim's foot when the gospel of peace has fully conformed the pilgrim's mind to the Lord's will.  Some children of God are not at peace with God, because they do not fully acquiesce in the diving purposes.  To them, the pilgrim path must be a painful one, for nothing can please them.  Their unfortified self-will creates swarms of vexations for them, but to hearts that have crucified self and yielded all to the will of God, the most thorny paths are pleasant.  He who can say concerning all things 'Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in they sight,' is prepared for all ways and weathers and may march on undismayed. Fully conformed to the divine will, saints are invulnerable and invincible, 'none shall be weary nor stumble among them; . . . neither shall the . . . latchet of their shoes be broken' (Isaiah 5:27).

Surely it is when the heart is completely at one with God that the true beauty of the Christian character is seen.  Shod with perfect delight in the will of the Lord, we are able to surmount all the difficulties and trials of the way, for it becomes sweet to suffer when we see that it is the will of God.  Resignation is good, but perfect acquiescence is better, and happy is the man who feels it.  No silver sandals were ever so precious, no buskins of golden mail adorned with precious stones were so glorious to look upon as a mind molded to the divine will, perfectly in tune with the mind of the Lord Most High." (pg. 143)

If this is not foolishness to the world, I don't know what is.  I continue to pray that I will not be like the authorities of Jesus' time that believed in him, but did not confess it because they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.  (John 12:42-43)

We are doing a "foolish" thing.  It is a strong temptation to hold in great esteem the glory that comes from man.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.  For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." (Romans 1:16-17)