And The Lord Will Guide You

What a year this has been! I apologize for my delay in an update; it has been a very busy past few months as I transitioned into East Valley High School for my sophomore year and continue to settle into life on the east side of Washington state. 

These past few months, I have struggled with feelings of guilt. I left many friends and the life I knew in Seattle and moved to an unknown place for a known God. I knew that I’d be giving up a lot and that it’d be one of the hardest things I’ve done. I was blessed throughout the summer with forming relationships with the children here. I started leading a group of K-2nd grade girls on Sunday mornings and was blessed beyond belief by their friendships and getting to share God’s love with them. I felt like things were working out great. I missed my friends, but I knew that I was right where I was supposed to be and loved the kids here.

Then school started. Transferring into a new school as a sophomore is hard, but I began making new friends. I was blessed with great teachers. I looked forward and continue to look forward to school every day, and Sunday mornings every weekend. However, I started feeling a lot of guilt. Leaving Seattle was really difficult. The summer was difficult. Once school started, things seemed easier; almost normal again.  I started feeling like I hadn’t really given up anything. I had, but I felt like I had gotten it back and it wasn’t hard anymore.

Suddenly, my guilt turned to thankfulness. I believe that our God is so great that he fulfilled his promise in Isaiah 58:10-11 by blessing me for fulfilling His work. “If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places.”

One of the truths that I often forget is that life is about serving God and only Him. He will bless the work that is fulfilled for his glory. 

Pray that I will make an impact in the lives of the K-2nd grade girls every Sunday morning, and that the Lord would provide wisdom in how to teach them about His love. 

A day in the life . . .

As you might imagine, we've had quite the eventful last few weeks. So many different events, thoughts, discussions, laughs, cries (and you name it) that it's hard to remember everything and be able to communicate just what I think about it all.

But I'll start by just giving a run-down of some of the different things:

• The best purchase ever - portable air conditioner for the rental house.
• Which then became worthless when the power company turned off the electricity with the temperature up over 100 degrees (because the electric bill didn't get paid and no one gave any warning or notice and then we found out about it at the end of day Friday and they won't come turn it back on until the end of day Monday and if the lady on the phone at the power company hadn't been so nice telling me the power wouldn't be on for 3 days I might have lost it.)
• Helped put up my first teepee.
• Stranded on Hwy 97 when my distributor cap went bad (praise God that the AAA tow guy was only 10 minutes away - for once.)
• 2 great summer team weeks with teams from all over the country coming to serve on the Rez.
• Flat tires on two separate vehicles (we got one on the way to pick up my car at the shop.)
• Rachel has been helping out at Sacred Road, working alongside the interns, becoming friends with everyone.
• One duck blown to bits when it ran into the road right in front of me. Don't worry, it died instantly. You should have seen all the feathers.
• We made an offer on a house that was accepted and pending all the rest of the stuff needed when buying a house, we should be in it by mid-August.
• Spent 2 weeks cleaning up a very dirty, gross double wide rental.
• I turned 44 and was given this t-shirt by Fishii. It's awesome. I also got a cool Bolo tie featuring real Native American beading made by someone here on the Rez.
• One new set of tires on a vehicle.
• Emily began working as an intern for Sacred Road this summer and loves getting to know people better.
• Was terribly disappointed when I found out that the 3 llamas and 1 goat owned by the neighbor wouldn't eat the bizarre vegetation growing in our yard at the rental and I was going to have to mow it myself all summer.
• The big smile and wave from one of my buddies at Kid's Club.
• One bird blown to bits by another driver in our family and still in the grill of the car - because I'm the only one that can take it out apparently.
• Progress being made as we research economic development alternatives, opportunities and approaches.
• Learned the feeling of panic when I realize I forgot to take my daily Claritin pill and I'm nowhere near home where the army size box of additional pills are.
• Several great Kid's Club days spent playing with great kids.
• Wondering why there is a helicopter hovering over our house constantly at 3.00 am. Then realizing it is the apple orchard wind fan that turns on when the temperature gets too low.
• Our first Pow Wow and Treaty Days Rodeo.
• Some guy pounding on the door at 5 am asking for the previous tenant while I was across the country on a trip
• Many examples of the Lord providing comfort, encouragement and strength.

Why do I tell you all this? I think maybe its some form of therapy. But more importantly, we need your prayers.

We are all learning a lot. Things like, how the ministry works, what our individual roles will be, how I will divide up my time between operational items and economic development and ministry, how to live with 2/3 of all our belongings in storage, how we can rock the boat as least as possible as we join this team, and a ton of other things.

And we are loving it! We know this is where we are supposed to be and are encouraged daily.

But that doesn't mean it's all easy and that there aren't obstacles.

But, as Emily put so well in an post earlier this week, God is Sovereign.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-32, 37-39

He is Sovereign.

My heart has felt heavy this past week: overwhelmed, weighed down by the brokenness of this earth. I've journaled daily and finished each page disappointed at my own ability to put my thoughts into words. It seemed that each day this past week the Enemy worked hard to bring me down, to put lies into my head and bring me to doubt God's goodness and His will. I'm learning that like most things out here, you can't be prepared for what you'll encounter, no matter how hard you or others try. It's not a matter of anyone not doing a good enough job; it's a matter of God working in our lives.

I watched a little one distance herself from me at church over the past couple of Sundays: no longer does she want to sit with me or listen to me. This week alone I watched her detach herself from me almost completely and reattach herself to someone else in the span of five days. No longer did she seek me out or smile at me when I called her name. It felt like she left me in the dust without looking back.

The fact that I know this kind of behavior is common doesn't change the fact that it hurts. It hurts badly. I found myself in tears Thursday evening, asking myself questions. Why did she attach to someone else? What did I do wrong? What did she want from someone else that I couldn't give her? Why wasn't I enough?

But as I continued to journal and read and process and talk with other members of our summer staff, I realized that I was asking the wrong questions, that it's not about me being enough. It's not about me doing anything. It hurts, and it's not about me.

It's about the Lord working in the lives of all of us.

He is still teaching me to look to Him and to give Him the praise for these relationships and blessings, to rely on Him. He is still showing me that I am not the one doing anything, but that He is the One working all things for His glory.

He is teaching the girl whose name is music about His love for her that never fails and never changes. He is showing her that He is good no matter what.

He is teaching all of us that He ordains everything according to His will. He is teaching all of us that He is sovereign.

Thanks be to God that He is all I have
And if I have Him not, I have nothing at all
Nothing at all.
     Dom Julian of St. Benet's Hall

Faithfulness and Friendship

"Are you making friends?" is a question I am asked frequently. It's not an easy question to answer, but it makes me stop and think about the people the Lord has put in my life. My favorite answer to that question is a story from Youth Group a few weeks ago. When we all break into smaller groups after worship upstairs, the high school girls go downstairs to look more deeply at the passage of scripture we read upstairs. We are able to think about how it applies to each of our lives individually. Because I am very new to the group, I don't feel as connected with the other girls, some of whom have been coming for years. It has been an adjustment to get used to feeling new and slightly awkward, and while I know God has called me here, I can't help but feel slightly out of place.

God's faithfulness has been a major theme for me this past year, but He never fails to remind me of His faithfulness when I need it most! Before the discussion time officially began on Tuesday night, the girl sitting next to me took my binder and started writing on it, hiding it from me as she wrote. I was honestly really curious, wondering what she would think to write on the blank front of my new binder. As she handed it back, I could read Welcome 101: Love you! written in red sharpie. It sounds simple, but it felt like the closest thing to friendship and it still does.

He is faithful, and He will surely do it.

a full heart

My heart is full. At the end of week three, I am overwhelmed by the glimpses of true hope and the love of God the Father that I see descending on the Yakama Reservation in these clear times of beauty and of brokenness. These three weeks have come with their joys and their sorrows, but His grace will never cease to be sufficient.

 

Kids Club this past week broke my heart and refilled and overflowed the cracks of leaving home behind for a new home more times than I can count. I'm making new tiny native friends and laughing as if no time has passed with native friends from the past. As I watched the team members this past week, many of whom came out here for the first time and had no idea what they were getting themselves into, I was reminded of my first trip out to the Rez in 2013. The constant reminders each afternoon of the Lord's everlasting, abundant faithfulness to His beloved children blessed my soul again and again: the kids I interacted with who didn't speak or smile or laugh two summers ago are the ones jumping up to reach my shoulders and give me hugs. They're the ones giggling hysterically and giving high-fives, the little the ones getting a running/jump-start to a piggy back ride and "claiming" their spot in my lap for story time. Such a significant, obvious change has taken place here, and I know I'm not alone in saying that I feel so blessed and privileged to see it as a "local." The Lord has been and will continue to be a solid foundation of sufficient grace and mercy for His people. My heart is overflowing with the knowledge of the unconditional love and forever promises that God has made to all of us, His children; thank you for your prayers for this community. God is faithful, and He is answering the prayers and cries of His people.

The Lord is blessing the people of White Swan with a knowledge of Himself and His unchanging nature, and He is working through and in and among His people from all over the world. He who called you is faithful, and He will do surely it. What a joy it was to be able to say see-you-laters on Friday afternoon with the knowledge of the fact that we finally live here, that these relationships will grow in the hope of the Lord.

 

 

Thy Faithfulness

The snow has been falling steadily in Palmer Lake, Colorado, for the past twenty-four hours, and it is forecasted to fall for another twelve. I just walked outside for a few minutes to experience what 9 degrees feels like when it's combined with 11mph winds that whirl tiny snowflakes around in the sky. I don't think I've ever been so cold in my life - I'm a true Seattleite and I'm definitely not used to ten inches of snow and temperatures below twenty.

Being here at Mission Training International (MTI) has been such a wonderful experience. I am learning so much about so many different things. The first two weeks of training have been focused almost entirely on language learning and how to best approach any new language. In the moments that we aren't making strange new sounds with our mouths or consuming caffeine to keep us awake, we are talking about what it means to enter a new culture and engage fully in the paradox that is ministry.

It isn't easy to be here (nor is it easy to remain inside for days on end due to snow!), but it is so good to be here. It is such a blessing to see how God has brought all 68 of us here and to hear how He has called each one of us in a totally unique way. It has been such an encouragement to know that we are all experiencing the joys and hardships and blessings and discouragements of heading onto the mission field, and while each of us is experiencing something different, each of us knows what it means to truly rely on the Lord and trust His goodness.

God's faithfulness has been the subject of nearly all of my journal entries these past two weeks, and every day He shows His great faithfulness in such a new way. His grace and constant love are so overwhelming and His mercies are indeed new every morning, for which I am especially grateful. But ministry is a paradox. Some days are harder than others, and on those hard days that faithfulness looks as simple as a hot cup of tea in the evenings or a letter slipped under the door by one of my tiny five-year-old pen pals who are each heading onto mission fields of their own with their families.

But as we learn to appreciate the hard and the good of ministry by comparing both sides to a rubber duck, we see the blessing that comes with them both and that you cannot have the good without having the hard. Whether today was a "yuck-duck" day or a "yay-duck" day, all I have needed Thy hand hath provided, and great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.