He's Enough.

Tonight I tied a shoelace.
I asked to tie it.
She let me and stood for a few seconds.
I wish I prayed silently over her in those few seconds, but I didn't. I regret that I didn't.
She told me, softly, gently, "My teacher does that too," when I double knotted it.
Were those seconds of twisting the lace and tying it two times over - were they enough?
Were they enough? Were they enough? I think tonight.
Did those seconds count?
I pray she sees Christ at work.
I pray she'll know His hope.
I pray she'll believe that He is the healer of hurts: the shoelace master.
I pray I'll see Christ at work, even in the tying of tonight's shoelace.
I pray I'll have faith to believe that what He ordains is good - and enough.
I pray I'll believe that because of what He has done on the cross, it is enough for now.
Enough until His fullness is revealed.

I pray I'll believe that it is enough until His fullness is revealed.

Learning the Word

One of my favorite things this fall has been the Sunday School class I am teaching with one of the best age groups:  3rd through 5th grade girls!  There are usually 8-10 girls who attend regularly.  I really look forward to seeing them each week, giving them a hug and watching them grow in their knowledge of the Lord as they hear a Bible story and learn of God's love for them.  We review the Bible story and discuss what we have learned about God from the story.  We talk about what it means for us. We color and make a craft related to the story.  The girls surprise me with how much they are retaining each week.  Honestly, I am not sure that some children in main stream churches are taught the many Bible stories we are covering.  

We have also learned two verses together this fall.  One of them is:  "What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee (Jesus)."  Psalm 56:3.  This verse rhymes with the reference and we learned it in song form.  A couple of weeks ago I was out of town and Emily and Rachel taught the class for me.  Emily and Rachel asked the girls if they could remember the verse they had been learning and one girl immediately began quoting it.  They were able to sing it without me.  It thrilled my heart.  This is a good verse because most of them experience scary things in their lives.  I pray that they might remember this verse along the way as they encounter times when they are afraid.  

The second verse we are learning is Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and they are safe."  The very week we started to learn this verse, the story was on the tower of Babel.  I told the girls we don't have to build a tower to get to God.  His very name is our strong tower!  

I am amazed at how quickly they are picking up these verses. We have been given a promise in Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is living and active...."  I want these precious girls to have Scripture in their hearts and minds because it is alive and powerful.  Please pray that they will continue to recall the verses and that the Lord might use His Word in a special way.

Update: A few thoughts from the Rez

It has been way too long since any of the Maxfields posted on this blog. Not sure why. Anyways, here are a few thoughts as we head into Fall. (It still seems like summer here. Except for a couple rainy days, most days it's 70 degrees and sunny.)

• I recently learned that some check cashing places and/or title loan companies charge as much as 300% interest for small personal loans. 300%! Some people are evil. (Over 40% of Native Americans have used check cashing companies as a source of capital.)
• We had 17 pre-schoolers at Hope Fellowship last Sunday. Thirteen of those came without a parent, 14 were Yakama.
• Have you heard about the ACE study done by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente's Health Appraisal Clinic in San Diego? ACEs are Adverse Childhood Experiences. The study found that ACEs lead to and cause much of chronic disease, most mental illness and are at the root of most violence. What is happening in the homes of America today is an abomination in the sight of the Lord and more must be done to prevent abuse and neglect of the children in this country. Go here to find out more: http://acestoohigh.com/aces-101/
• We haven't had TV since last January. I recommend it.
• If you ever find yourself being chased down by an angry bull, don't try to outrun it. They are much faster than you'd think. Instead, you'll need to outsmart it. If you aren't able to do that you have other troubles that are much more long lasting.
• We had 88 youth (6th grade through 12th grade) at youth group last week.
• Don't ever plant two walnut trees in your yard. The number of walnuts that can fall from one tree is staggering and you may need to watch for your life when a windstorm blows through and you happen to be walking in your yard.
• The Men's and Women's Bible Studies at Hope Fellowship are going great! Pray that more Yakamas would attend.
• I've been playing WordFeud (a Scrabble game I play on my phone) with a guy in Louisianna for at least 5 or 6 years. All I know about him is from chatting via the game over the years. He recently confided in me about his marriage troubles and by the end of the conversation I think he agreed to take his family back to church! If that isn't God ordained I don't know what is.
• Rachel was voted Student of the Month at East Valley High School for the month of September. She just started there this year and only knew one person on her first day of school. Talk about making a first impression. I'm waiting for my bumper sticker.
• A couple people have dropped off their giving to our support account at Sacred Road. If you would like to join us in this ministry, please email me. dhmaxfield@gmail.com
• It is amazing the difficulty to find cheap, reliable internet service in the country. It is expensive, slow and very annoying to find the right solution. Don't take your cable provided, unlimited data, internet service for granted.
• Living in rural America is a blessing. Even in the midst of brokenness on the Reservation.

A Short Sermon

We are nearing the end of our first summer living here on the reservation.  We have each experienced great days as well as hard days.  I will be honest and admit that the past couple of weeks feelings of doubt began to creep in.  Can I really do this?  Do I want to do this?  I began to think about things we have given up....a great income that would have easily paid college tuition for our girls, nice vacations, carefree summers, friends and family back home, a "normal" life.

Over the course of a few days, I started to casually ask Darren, Emily and Rachel if they were feeling this way...hoping to make myself feel better.  They weren't.  Rachel even said, "But mom, we know we are called to be here and God hasn't told us to do anything different."   Her short sermon was exactly what I needed to hear.  I have been clinging to that reminder.  It was the affirmation and confidence I needed to hear.

The Lord has also put so much Scripture right in front of me this week to help me and give me strength for each day.  His Word is so powerful!

• 2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs they all." 
• Galatians 1: 10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?"
• Ephesians 6:10 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."
• 2 Corinthians 8:3 "...they gave as much as they were able and even beyond their ability."  

And then yesterday, the sweetest moment of the day came.  Right during the sermon, I looked over and the 9 year old girl next to me was slowly whispering each word of a song in the church bulletin.  The song was "Mighty to Save" and here are the words I heard her reading aloud, "I give my life to follow, Everything I believe in, Now I surrender.  Shine your light and let the whole world see, We're singing for the glory of the risen King."

My heart was touched.  I felt like it was a gift from Jesus as I watched her.  I thought of Jesus listening to her read the words.  I sat and prayed for the little girls around me -- that they would know Him all the days of their life.

Thank you for praying for these children and young people who are hearing about Jesus for the first time in their lives.  Please pray for healing in their hearts and minds.  Please pray they will fully trust in Jesus and when moments of doubt come to them or there is a wrong path they could walk down, that they will stay faithful to Jesus and keep coming to church.  Thank you for continuing to pray for our family as we also need it.

Lastly, I'm including the words to the whole song. I think she had read every word before I noticed her doing this:

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never ending
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen king, Jesus.

Six Little Girls and My One Heart

The stars shine down in the black blue sky tonight, whispering reminders of my Father whose presence is faithful and with us even in the valley, even in the darkness. I never knew that in a single day one's heart could be filled, broken, overflowed again and blessed so freely before it begins to sting with heartache and burst with laughter and rest at the end of the day knowing that it has learned and been taught by His mighty hand on the six small girls we had in preschool church today. A paragraph for each so you can get a taste of the blessing too.

The youngest of the bunch is new to all of us and known to some as the little chipmunk that waddles into church, sleepy eyed and smiling, ready to give hugs and secretly knowing that after church we will play. She doesn't know which color crayon connects to her name. The girl smiles as she calls her brother by his traditional name, seeking him out in the crowd, unaware that the language of her people is slipping away quickly and that she's one of just a handful of children I know who uses that Sahaptin word for brother. Love flows out of this little one, and He, out of His perfect love, is showing it to me from the color queen one Sunday at a time.

Her cheeks scrunch up when she smiles and make her eyes tiny, and her voice is much softer than that of the other girls. She comes with her hair done and is eager to help pass out snacks. Her love for those around her feels unconditional when we're in that preschool classroom, and I can't help but wonder where all of us will be in ten years; she'll be thirteen, I'll be twenty-seven. Watching her love others gives me hope: hope for her generation, and hope for the Lord to work miracles in His earth.

"Now you're an Indian! I'm an Indian too, but I don't always wear feathers," is what I heard as a five-year-old stuck a peacock feather in my hair tonight while we watched four baby peacocks follow their mama across the yard. After the feather was in place, she grabbed her cousin's hand and pulled her close, their hands held, to watch the babies and mama duck under the fence and out of sight. They turned back to face me, giggling, squinty eyed as the sun set. My heart couldn't help but swell and ache all at once.

I've written about the girl whose name is music before, and I've written about the Lord's plan and purpose that is so far beyond my own, a concept my heart battles daily, moment by moment, when it comes to resting in it. He is still teaching me through the music girl. Today the lesson was one of praying for hope and joy in the life of this dear one, as well as for the thoughts of my own heart to be ones of contentment and peace in His will. In Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, John Piper writes in regard to our human questionings of God's will: "Moreover, we will not always, right now, have these answers for ourselves. But in glory the answers will be clear, when we will see Jesus face to face. Then we will see that God has indeed done all that He pleased and has done it perfectly, both for His glory and our good." Be still, my heart.

Hope and a future stick out in my
mind from Jeremiah when I think of the sand box princess. Each night this week she's asked to play in the sand. After we run fast to reach the edge of the grass, our sandals come off and we jump into the dusty ground that is warm in between our toes. She offers to build me something, all the while eager to share the buckets and shovels with me, because "Sharing is nice," as she tells me herself. Her mind is wild with imaginings and as her Elsa braids blow in the wind, I'm reminded of His miraculous grace. Lord is using her in my life to teach me even more about the ever-present balance between brokenness and beauty.

She comes, hair crazy in a mad pigtail attempt but too short to fit into the ponytails, ready to sit in a lap and be loved. She talks more now than I've ever known her to before, and her words hold a lovely trio of care, laughter, and sass. Her face is lit up in every single picture I've seen of her, and she's who I picture when I hear the truth that joy comes in the morning.

I can't think back far enough to when I didn't know these six girls and more like them. There are at least fifteen names on our role sheet, and we get to taste His love in a new way each Sunday with a different handful of them there with us. I am truly prone to wander, but He has taken my heart and sealed it, and it's so full of preschool love.

Unsettled & Learning Lessons

2015....a year to never forget.  We have been somewhat "unsettled" for 6 months now.

People ask what has been the hardest thing about this transition and so far; I think feeling unsettled is my answer.  We have been renting an older double wide home for 4 months now.  It was the only home we could find available to rent.  

The first couple of days we were in it, I would get overwhelmed and tell Darren, Emily and Rachel I wasn't sure I could do this.  I wasn't sure I could live here.  Mice poo in almost every cupboard, closet or shelf.  Dirty walls.  A dead rat in one closet.  Hearing mice in the walls at night.  No screens on the windows.  No air-conditioning.  Ants.  Earwigs.  Spiders.  Oh my!  

As the days went by, I would occasionally say, "this house might be growing on me" just to get a laugh.  And we have had lots of laughs over many things about this house....we even named the llamas outside our windows.  Darren bought a roll of screen at Walmart and duct taped it up onto 3 windows so we could have airflow.  It looks ugly, but it works.  I learned how to find a dead mouse in a cupboard and be okay with it.  I can now squish bugs on the kitchen floor with my bare feet.  We have learned to share one bathroom.  I learned to make popcorn on a stove that doesn't work very well.  I can actually live without a microwave, a garbage disposal or cable TV.  And guess what?  We could actually live with just one third of our stuff.

More importantly, I began to embrace that this is right where Jesus wanted us.  He allowed us to live in this double wide home which is far nicer than many we serve here on the reservation.  I needed to live it to get a glimpse of the poverty some experience.  And then, as some of you know, the electric company turned off our power on a Friday afternoon and we learned what it feels like to have no power.  It's a scary, hopeless feeling.  Food in the fridge goes bad.  It feels eerie and dark in the house. 

Would you believe that this past Tuesday night, one of the youth told me their power was off at their house?   The power bill was overdue.  The food in their fridge was going bad there was nothing to drink.  My heart felt a kindred sympathy and sadness.  I whispered to Jesus, "I understand now."  I don't know when their power will go back on. And I know most people here on the reservation would not have the resources we had to deal with it.  Our power outage was short lived. We stayed with my aunt and uncle for a few nights.  Our food was able to be salvaged.

What I've shared here is only a speck of what some are going through here on this reservation, but I'm thankful for the tiny glimpses and things Jesus is teaching me during this unsettled time.    

"My Power is Made Perfect in Weakness"

A lot of thoughts in my head today. I had a real good Lord's Day today in spite of not being in the Word much the last week or so. But to be in worship this morning and hear the Word preached and take part in communion with my brothers and sisters in Christ can do wonders.

At the beginning of May I started a new little Bible study "program" that I developed after reading a couple books summarizing the prayer life and Bible study life of our Puritan Fathers. You can see the books here, #4 and #5. I love what I'm doing right now, but the last couple weeks I haven't been able to be as diligent as  I'd like. As God's Word is wont to do, I was blown away today.

I was reading II Corinthians 12 and verses 9-10 are mind blowing.

"But he (God) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Lately, I felt my tension and stress level going up a bit. A tell-tale sign of this is when I start playing music louder and louder and its not the calm stuff. For some reason it is a stress reliever for me.

I think the stress has partly to do with economic development research I'm doing. It is actually going pretty well. I feel a plan coming together and a course of action. But with that progress comes stress - is it the right plan? what will people in the community (and outside the community) think?, what do I really know about this stuff?, with all the issues here will anything actually work?, what can I do that hasn't been tried already?, etc, etc. In short, what do I know?

The stress is also related to what is happening on this Reservation. It is heartbreaking. Have you ever heard of the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) Study the CDC did several years ago. You can read about it here. Warning: The results of the study are not pretty and implications disturbing. In short, childhood trauma has a direct link to adult mental and medical problems. We know that children on this Reservation are living in a constant state of trauma. It is wreaking havoc on them now and will continue to do so.

Let me tell you about my friend. He's probably 5. He has the classic facial structure, physiological signs and behavioral signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He lives in a house with at least 9 kids living in it from I don't know how many different families. I don't know what is happening in this house and I don't want to know. I got to spend a couple hours a day with him last week. I won't see him until next week. What will happen in the mean-time?

I was also reading Psalm 19 today.

The heavens declare the glory of God,

and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

  Day to day pours out speech,

and night to night reveals knowledge.

  There is no speech, nor are there words,

whose voice is not heard.

  Their voice goes out through all the earth,

and their words to the end of the world.

In them he has set a tent for the sun,

  which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber,

and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy.

  Its rising is from the end of the heavens,

and its circuit to the end of them,

and there is nothing hidden from its heat.

 The law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the Lord is sure,

making wise the simple;

 the precepts of the Lord are right,

rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the Lord is pure,

enlightening the eyes;

  the fear of the Lord is clean,

enduring forever;

the rules of the Lord are true,

and righteous altogether.

More to be desired are they than gold,

even much fine gold;

sweeter also than honey

and drippings of the honeycomb.

 Moreover, by them is your servant warned;

in keeping them there is great reward.

 Who can discern his errors?

Declare me innocent from hidden faults.

 Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins;

let them not have dominion over me!

Then I shall be blameless,

and innocent of great transgression.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in your sight,

O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Really, my stress is because I think I have some control over any of this. I think I have some ability to actually affect the economic realities here on the Reservation. I think I have some ability to effect change in the life of this little boy. I think I have something to boast about.

Give me a break! What can I do in this situation, but go to God. As He says in II Corinthians, His grace is sufficient. Sufficient for me, this little boy and this Reservation. Christ has been working on this Reservation long before I ever got here and He will work long after I leave. The weaker I am, the more Christ will be glorified when He accomplishes His work here in this place.

How thankful I am that it doesn't depend on me. The creator of the Universe, the One that sets the course of the stars, who has revealed Himself through His innerrent, infallible Word, is active in my life and in this place!

What other response can I have but to echo God's Word:

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in your sight,

O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.